I misread a headline today and came up with an idea and a business plan. The idea was OK, the business would be catastrophic but in case anyone pulls it off, you read it here first.
The headline read "The King Of Soho Dining" but, perhaps with Freud on my shoulder, I read, The King Of Solo Dining.
Now there's an idea, I thought (only mildly miffed because, by dint of the article, it was already out there, earning column inches).
Solo dining. More particularly specialist establishments for same. What would such places look like? Who would they attract?
The crude entrepreneur untutored in the ways of the cheerily non-gregarious would perhaps configure the place like a networking event. Or operate a "dining partner by happenstance" policy.
He would see singles events. He would run happy hours and operate a gaudy menu of cocktails. He would run the place like a double-glazing convention in Sutton Coldfield.
The wise entrepreneur (me, inevitably, in this scenario) would make tables for one not tables for two-with-one-missing. Crescent shaped tables with no empty docking points.
He would place distance between these crescents and ensure they were replete with all the necessary condiments (no leaning over to your neighbour for the salt). But he would pack in the numbers to avoid the sense of cavernous desolation. There would be the soul and individualism and a sense of exclusivity.
The wise entrepreneur would ensure the menu was exquisite (why bother otherwise) but comfortable (no forking a slice into a companions mouth with a "try this") and inexpensive (our "meh" threshold is low).
The tables would be fitted with wi-fi and the walls lined with books and pictures of obsessive, irascible high-achievers, like Isaac Newton. The service discreet. Tablecloths and silverware. Dim but not candlelit. Bustling but no waiting.
The idea, as stated at the outset, would be a disaster. Better off at home, of course. We crave solitude. We're a terrible target market for anything other than elasticated outerwear. It's self-evident.
